Amruniel's Ramblings

By pure chance I have stumbled upon a little gem of a picture...

Three years ago today, a very happy girl got bitten by a plot bunny. The first in about a decade, and the first in a new fandom.

Coincidence would have it that said girl had to spend the evening/night dog-sitting while Himself and his parents went off to see some opera. With a lot of spare time on her hands, she decided to open up a new Word document and see where the idea would take her.

Three months later, the girl embarked on her first NaNoWriMo adventure, working on the plot-bunny that had been constantly gnawing at her for the past months despite her never opening the doc up again after that first night in August.

Three years later, the self-same fic has grown to a whopping 270.872 words, and is nowhere near finished!

And here is the snapshot I found in my enormous pile of pictures rescued from my old phone, taken sometime during the evening of August 2nd, 2015 and sent to Himself to show him I had a good time without him around (or because of it ;) ):



(Emoticon to save you from spoilers ;) )
(And please note my choice of soundtrack - you just can't go wrong with Elton John and George Michael belting out "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me" while starting out on what turned out to be an epic V/O fic!)

In a stunning turn of events, you all find myself still alive and kicking ;)

I know, it must have seemed as if the earth has opened up and swallowed me up without any warning, and for that I'm really sorry. I want to apologize particularly to those of you who worried about me, sent me PMs, etc.! Mea culpa!

For those of you happy to know I'm still here and not interested in anything more, I'd suggest to stop reading here now and go on to do something you'd rather do :)


For everyone else - here's a (short and inadequate) explanation:

As you might remember, my last post was on June 20th, where I (probably drunk on some celebratory birthday bubbly) stated I was hopeful to manage to keep on writing halfway regularly despite the exam looming...
...well, no.
Turned out, there was WAY more material to study than I had anticipated. As in TONS more. That woman drove me crazy over the course of the semester, but she really, really hit rock bottom in my favours during those last 10 days of June.
So, I more or less spent the remainder of the month non-stop studying, with the occasional break for food or sleep.
I somehow managed to actually got summing up the material done the night before the exam, with less than 24 hours of "real" study time on my hands. Despite that, the exam went rather well after all (having the first look at the questions my the prof went up a notch in my favours again, let me tell you ;) ).

Riding on a high after having finished the semester FINALLY, I actually did fire up the computer shortly before midnight on the 30th and created a cabin at CampNaNo for me. I really was all psyched up about tackling another month of writing and possibly even get the whole fic as close to finished as possible.

Fast forward to the next day and I found myself in the situation to really, really, really have no energy left to do anything, least of all to make myself turn on the computer and tackle Day 1 of CampNaNo. I, for the first time in months and months, couldn't make myself even THINK about the fic. I was too tired, too wrung out.

If I have learned any lesson those past years, then to listen to my body and my mind when they tell me it's too much. So, for once, I did the sensible thing and decided to give myself the weekend off and start tackling the writing a couple days late.

On Monday, I honestly didn't feel much better about writing. I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea to go back to the story and wrestle the scene I was writing into something I actually liked. I had no inclination, no impetus, and frankly no energy to sit down and struggle through something I wasn't feeling at the moment, just for the sake of hitting some arbitrary word-goal I had self-imposed on myself.
And truth to be told, it wasn't just the writing - it was the very simple act of switching on the computer that seemed like too much of an effort for me.

I was tired, unhappy, unmotivated and altogether in no mood to even browse the internet, let alone engage with people or do something productive.

I promised myself to get back to it the next day on a daily basis, but each and every new day I lacked the motivation to do anything. It just felt RIGHT to not be writing for the moment. To not be posting stuff or reading posts or browse or just generally kill time in front of the screen.

Then Himself told me he would go on a week-long climbing tip with a friend of our the next week, and I found myself in the funny situation of life imitating art big time. In the fic, I have two OCs that are based on exactly those two people leaving for a climbing vacation... and now the real them actually did the same.
A sign, right?
So, I was pretty adamant about me using the time alone to make up for lost writing-time and hammer out a couple thousand words each day.

That was, until I actually found myself alone and all my good plans going down the drain due to immense demotivation and the bad timing that led to me discovering a new YouTube channel I got obsessed with. A channel that has been in existence for 11 years, so you can guess how many videos there are for me to catch up on....

So, another week went by with me NOT firing up the computer.

Then, Himself was back again, and with him a couple of things we had to attend, a few outings we wanted to do, and a handful of evenings spent doing nothing at all, just enjoying the summer, the rest of the month passed as well, hardly noticed by me.

And now, it's August and I am... back, but not back?
I certainly needed the time off the computer and away from my story, and while it completely threw my intended schedule off, the interruption also freed me from said schedule, giving me enough peace of mind to be okay with the fic possibly not being finished during the summer, and possibly even not finished before the next "real" NaNoWriMo.

So, my plan for now is to enjoy (and survive) the current heat wave, and try to get some writing done here and there with no set schedule or fixed word-goals for the moment until I get back into the flow or hit a part of the story that forces me to keep on writing and regularly at that.

I will, however, try to set aside an evening or two each week to work my way through the waiting posts and comments that have accumulated over the past months.
In short, I'll be here and yet not here for the foreseeable future, and as usual I'll keep you updated on any writing that gets done around here :)

I hope you're all having a lovely, wonderful and relaxing summer!
*hugs*

Total Words Written: 239.414

Why do I always end up with at least one of the boys naked whenever I get slightly distracted while writing? :D

Not that I particularly mind, I mean... naked men are nothing to be frowned upon, ever, right? ;)
But now I'll need to get one of them dressed again while keeping the other from getting undressed, and all that hassle just to be able to keep writing plot.
Ah well, the crosses we writers have to bear.......

In other words, I'm done with writing for the week and will have to try following up on the vague idea that inspired today's writing session on -hopefully- Monday.

I'm wishing you all a very lovely weekend... and still hope that there is somebody out there who's willing to embark on the CampNaNo adventure with me...

Total Words Written: 236.878

After a few days with too little time left to tackle my monster, I finally managed to write tonight.
I probably shouldn't have, but my brain needed a break from considering the differences and consequences of structuralism and post-structuralism anyway.

I did come up with a surprising twist, though. One I haven't seen coming and that might add an interesting, unplanned twist to my story, depending on how I decide to go on from here. I could resolve the issue easily, or I could keep it open and have a secondary (or tertiary? I'm definitely losing track here) plot-line that adds a bit of mystery to the overall plot. Hm. Hmmmm.

Since I'll be going to the theatre tomorrow evening, and might end up with yet another night without time to write, I'll have enough time to consider both options, I guess.

I'll keep you posted ;)

Total Words Written: 234.115

Didn't get as far in the scene as I expected to, but I think what I wrote gives a good look into both the character and the relationship, so I'm pretty happy with what I came up with while writing.

Additionally, I have managed to catch up with the posts and comments in the community I talked about yesterday, which means that I'll be tackling your PMs, posts, and comments at LJ and here starting from tomorrow.

Brace yourselves, replies are coming :D

Total Words Written: 232.056

What's the thing that's said about the best laid of plans?
Exactly - they tend to go horribly awry.
Just as mine did.

On the upside, I did manage to write a bit. Not as much as I actually should have, or wanted to, but at least I somehow reached and exceeded my minimum word-goal. And I obviously did decide on one of the two possible ways of continuing I talked about yesterday.
So, there's that at least.

But, frankly, this doesn't help my bad conscience concerning all of you even a bit. I don't know how long I've been promising to finally, finally, finally get back to you all, and I'm too scared to actually take a look, and I *still* haven't managed to despite my best intentions. *sigh*

I swear, I'd completely understand you all de-friending unreliable me.
(Though I very selfishly hope you won't!)

Let's see if I miraculously manage to keep my promises tomorrow... *sigh*

Total Words Written: 229.728

Thanks to the long weekend, you have the privilege of witnessing one of my infrequent Sunday updates ;)
Thanks to the climbing gang going out for birthday-drinks tomorrow night, you (most likely) won't see a Monday update tomorrow, though...

Which is actually a good thing since I'm still not sure about where to take the story next *sigh*
Maybe the influence of a cocktail or five will kick my muses into working-mode and give me that one eye-opener I need to know what to write next.
(Or it deletes the few ideas I have floating around in my brain... Hm. Well, I'm going to risk it anyway ;) )

I'm actually rather happy to have been able to write as much as I got done tonight... my damn knee is acting up like crazy today, and on top of not really knowing how to sit at the desk pain-free a blasted headache has taken up residence in my temple, not making the process of staring at the screen, struggling for words any more pleasant.
But I got it done, and in the end that's what counts! (And I actually don't think the part I wrote tonight is that bad...)

Anyway, I'm dragging my poor head to bed now. Let's hope that helps. (And who knows, maybe a good idea or two will come to me in my dreams............)

Total Words Written: 227.418

Consider yourself warned that big parts of this fic are purely born out of me being hungry, wanting something specific to eat, or just generally dreaming of having this or that treat.

Having said that, I think I have managed to reign my characters in and bring them back on track for now. And lucky for me, the food-related detour magically tied in with something I had mentioned en passant a couple weeks ago. So either my subconscious knows a lot more about how this story will play out than I do, or I'm just a damn lucky girl.

And a dead tired girl as well. To quote dear Bilbo, I feel like butter scraped over too much bread.
But thankfully, it's a long weekend, and thanks to my uni schedule and a course having been cancelled nearly a whole free week... so enough time to get shit done and finally get back in touch with you all...

But first, it's off to bed for me. I need a good night's sleep or five now more than anything (well, maybe apart from chocolate. I could do with chocolate now ;) )!

Total Words Written: 225.026

If I don't have any "good" ideas before Monday evening, I think I can leave the scene and chapter like that. It's not a real end, but I think it's an okay place to leave the boys alone and hop on to another day, another time, another place.

Finally.

It's just taken me a week longer than planned after all... *rolls eyes at herself*

But at least my extended period of not writing this week hasn't pushed me too far back on my schedule, so I'm rather pleased with how things stand all together.
So, I'll be trying to get as much done uni-wise and task-list-wise tomorrow in order to finally make at least some progress in answering your comments over the next week. (To think that I'm that buried in unfinished tasks even BEFORE exam-time rolls around gives me the creeps, let me tell you!)

Anyway my dears, I hope you still like me and promise I do my best to catch up with all of you!
Have a lovely weekend!
*hugs*

Total Words Written: 222.956

So, yeah... I'm still alive. I guess.
Writing has taken a backseat these past days, and quite frankly, I didn't try too hard to get my daily scheduled fic-time in, on top of everything else I was doing.
(I did get a couple hours more sleep at night, though, if you add the time up, so at least not writing served a purpose after all, right?!)

Anyway, life is currently... complicated, over-whelming and most of all completely stressful, so please don't judge the disappearing-act I've been pulling this week (and the ones before when it came to answering your comments and posts and PMs) too harshly. I swear I'm trying! And while it's really annoying right now, I hope my current work-load will pay off soon and help me free enough time to finally, FINALLY get back to you all in the manner you deserve and not just some hurried, generic placeholder answers.

Despite all of that, though, the one hour or so I managed to really concentrate on writing today was a surprisingly productive one, so that gives me hope that I will manage to make up for the days lost word-count wise in a reasonable amount of time.
I hope to find an hour or two of writing-time tomorrow as well, depending on what's going on outside my direct sphere of influence and planning possibly even more on Saturday, and maybe, possibly, hopefully the acute stress will settle down to more manageable levels next week. (I really, really hope so!)

So, yes, I'm alive, yes, I do think about you guys, and yes, I'll be back to my usual more reliable self (hopefully soon)!
*hugs you all*