(no subject)

[amruniel]

Got myself into quite a bit of trouble today... well... a big fat lot of trouble ...
I really don't know why... but today has been the first really hot day this year and I had to walk quite a distance in the blazing sun and... oh never mind... obviously my brain decided to a) take a holiday or b) simply melt away and leave nothing than pure insanity... anyhow... I ended up signing in for an exam on the 23rd of June...
And here's where the fucking trouble starts...

Is there anybody out there who has a clue (or a bit more, really) of English Phonetics and Phonology????!
I really need to work out what the fucking hell a "schwa" is ... oh yeah... I know it's a reduced vowel and appears in unstressed syllables... but HOW THE HELL DO I IDENTIFY IT?
It's such a pity that I'm no which. Really. It all would be so effing easy... just whispering a nice little spell and... é voilà... all the letters that form this vowel would underline themselves and I could write a fucking phonetic transcription that allows me to pass the class.

So... is there anybody out there who could explain it to me as simple as possible?!
-is there any simple way of explaining?

And if you're not a phonetics genius yourself... you could reccomend some nice, long Snarry-Fics so I have something more alluring than filling my brain with stupid stupid definitions and all the other things required at the exam.

Help?
Please!